Riding on the Margin or What Money Can't Buy

I grew up in an affluent suburb of Boston. We had good public schools and libraries. However, my mother was divorced and a single-mother. We were lucky – we had a home, plenty of food, and clothes. What we didn’t have was a vacation house on the Cape or ski trips at Christmas, or designer shoes, or a fancy car. I always felt a bit out of step in school where I was not only different because I was Japanese-American in a primarily white community, but I also was not able to keep up with the Jones – not that I even tried.

Now I am in a couple of cycling clubs. One in particular has a large population of competitive racers. (I am a racer wanna-be.) I was at a social event with this club and found myself feeling like I did in high school when my friends talked about their European vacations. At this social people were talking about their powertaps and coaches and VO2 testing. Things at this point I can’t afford. I felt a bit out of place. I have a nice bike (more than one if the truth be told), but I don’t have all the high-end expensive accessories. I wondered if I belonged there? I wondered if I could compete without these tools?

Cycling, and racing in particular, is an expensive sport. At a minimum, you need a racing bike, a cyclo-computer, a kit, and a helmet. This alone, would cost you around $3500, at a minimum. Then there is the cost of the race entry fees, the racing license, etc. . . This all adds up to quite a bit of money. And from this point, there are many other tools that one could purchase to help with training and competing such as a heart rate monitor, a powertap, a coach, a bike fitting, VO2 testing, race wheels, and more. The sport really caters to people with a lot of expendable income – which is not me.

I ride. I ride a lot. I ride hard. I am training with the guidance of books and friends. I am lucky to have what I do. For instance, my partner bought me race wheels for the winter holidays. It was a wonderful gift and I am looking forward to riding them when the weather improves. But I have to ask myself can someone like me be accepted into a club where it seems most folks have a lot more resources to spend on cycling?

I know for me, I have to get over the feeling that I am not quite good enough because I don’t have enough. This is my baggage. What I have is not a reflection of my worth as a person, or cyclist. What I have does not reflect my ability to ride. What I have does not make me a good team member. I have to remember that I bring to the club my skills as a rider and teacher and I think that there is a place for me, even without a powertap or a coach. I know that part of my task is to make that place for myself. It is a personal challenge to confront my own sense of inadequacy to realize that a lot of what I am comparing myself to is window dressing. What is at the core is a love of riding and a drive to be the best cyclist I can be. This is what I share with the other club members.

In this life time, I know that I will always feel on the margins of the mainstream. Being a mixed heritage Japanese-American woman alone, makes me feel that way. However, I don’t really mind and know there is a kind of power on the margin. From the margin, I can speak a different truth and walk my own path – the one less travelled. I can know that I am enough and bring my strengths to the team and the club, without apologies. What makes a good cyclist, is not the extras. It is combination of ability, tenacity, discipline and drive that makes a good cyclist – and none of these things can one buy.