Being in My Body

Having never been an athlete, this is all very new to me. I spent the first 45 years of my life outside my body and inside my head. To some degree this was because I had a rather traumatic childhood and learned that being present in my body was not always safe. So, I retreated inside. Over my life, until now, I had exercised my intellectual muscles and my emotional muscles but not my physical ones.

So when I discovered that I loved cycling, I was just as surprised as anyone, perhaps more so. I found that I liked the way it felt to be strong and to ride fast. It was fun to challenge myself to go faster and farther. However, it required an awareness of my physical body -- something I had avoided for much of my life.

Being in body was new and at times even uncomfortable. Even now, I find that some times I will cry after a hard work out. It is like all the painful emotions that have been stored in my body comes seeping out.

At the same time, I like being strong and having definition of muscles that I never even knew I had. I feel more whole being able to be in my body and feel good about it.