One thing that starting training has done is pushed me to address health issues in a different way. I realized that I had to be more aggressive with my approach. No longer could I just ignore my asthma or knee pain. No longer could I not deal with the fact that I eat poorly. I had to figure out how to approach my health in a more mindful way.
So, I started by making some appointments. I made an appointment with my doctor for the asthma. I made an appointment with my physical therapist to address my knee pain. I also made an appointment with a yoga teacher to improve my balance (both physical and emotional) and to teach me some stretches.
I have been slowly figuring out how to feed myself. I have started by committing to eating breakfast which is actually quite hard for me. I hate to eat in the morning and my medication kills my apatite at that time of day. As with any change in ones habits, there are many steps. I have to figure out what I would be willing to eat; I have to purchase it; I have to prepare it (if necessary), and I have to eat it.
I have learned that to make fundamental changes, I have to do them slowly and deliberately. I have to remember that change is a process and that it probably, won’t all happen at once. I have to be patient and compassionate with myself, because making real change is hard.
There are many changes I need to make in my eating habits, as well as my health maintenance – I need to take my asthma medication consistently, I need to do my knee exercises everyday, I need to do more yoga, I need to eat more when I ride and less at night – but I know that I can’t change everything all at once. I work on making small changes and improvements and realize that progress is happening.
I have also learned that being gentle with myself is more helpful than being a drill sergeant. My inner child doesn’t respond well to condemnation and judgment. So, I am working on being encouraging if I goof up. As my mother used to say, “Tomorrow is another day.”
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Bicycle Nuts
This is our kitchen. This is our kitchen with all our bicycles in it. It has the good ones, the commuters, the frame that is being repainted and built up as the "art bike" and the hybrid on the trainer.
Folks who are not into bicycles look at this and shake their heads. Why would you need so many bikes? Well, first, different bikes are good for different purposes. My partner has a commuter bike that is a work horse. It has lights and fenders for the weather, unlike his good road bikes which he saves for fair weather and long rides. If I am riding a long hilly distance I take my light Fuji Supreme RC which flies up the hills. So each bike has its place and purpose.
Also, bikes are like friends. The bike you choose to ride will depend on what mood you are in and what you are planning to do. For instance, when I want to ride a bike with soul I ride my red Luna. It was hand-made by a woman in New Mexico who only makes bikes for women. Of all the bikes I have this is the one with the most soul.
Each bike feels different and handles differently depending on many factors including the frame material, the components, the geometry etc... So riding each one is a unique experience.
In our kitchen we have a weight bench, a bike shop area, and the trainer. We have no table and chairs or pot racks. The counter, sink, and stove are on one side and serve their functions, but the rest of the room belongs to the bicycle. We have our priorities!
The Goddess of the Kitchen Flat
My first flat tire was in the kitchen. I had ridden a number of miles and was home and my partner felt my tire. "You have a flat!" he says. Now at that time those words scared me and I wasn't sure exactly what to do; however, I managed to fix it with help. I was very lucky that the flat was not on an isolated road in Concord in the pouring rain. I had the luxury of practicing how to fix a flat in the comfort of my own kitchen.
The funny thing is that the next flat I got was also in the kitchen. As was the next and the next. I have been blessed by the kitchen flat goddess. Then my partner had a couple of kitchen flats too. It was like the bicycles waited until we got home to flat.
I am grateful for the kitchen flats, not only because I now feel I could relatively easily change a flat on an isolated road in the pouring rain, but because I think that the Universe does watch over me.
The funny thing is that the next flat I got was also in the kitchen. As was the next and the next. I have been blessed by the kitchen flat goddess. Then my partner had a couple of kitchen flats too. It was like the bicycles waited until we got home to flat.
I am grateful for the kitchen flats, not only because I now feel I could relatively easily change a flat on an isolated road in the pouring rain, but because I think that the Universe does watch over me.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Pushing Through Depression
I have struggled with depression for much of my life. Now is no exception. Anyone who has experienced clinical depression knows that it is easy to get overwhelmed and paralyzed when one feels down. It is very hard to get motivated and mobilized to DO anything -- even things that you normally like to do.
My depression is a huge obstacle to my training. There are some days that I can't manage to complete my training regime or can't even get started. And some days, I need to listen to my body and my psyche and take a break and other times I am learning that I need to push through.
I think of new green shoots in spring pushing up through the soil. It looks like growing must be hard work. They are so new and fragile and the soil is so dense. Similarly, when I am depressed I am a fragile being who has to push through the darkness to move.
It was like that yesterday. I was really down and not sure what I could manage to do. I had a yoga lesson scheduled and it was a nice day outside, the first in eons. However, what I felt like doing was crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head and calling it a day. I decided that it would be better to try to get to yoga even if it meant I cried the whole time. (My teacher is sensitive and supportive and was okay with my mood.) I went to yoga, got out of the house, learned some new poses, and got moving. It took monumental effort to get there. After yoga, I managed to get on the bicycle too. I told myself that I only had to go out for a half hour and if I felt too bad I could turn around. I also knew no one would be looking at me while riding and if I cried no one would notice or care. I ended up riding an hour or so.
Knowing when to push through and when to focus on comfort is critical. I have pushed when it would have been better to just rest. I usually end up feeling worse at those times. But many times, pushing through the darkness allows a little light to come in. I think when I can push myself without judgment and without investment in the outcome, then I do better. If I start and can't finish, well at least I started. Attitude toward how I am pushing through is key. If I can stay gentle and compassionate with myself, then I can challenge myself without the backlash of condemnation should I not be able to do that which I set out to do.
I know this will be an ongoing struggle and staying open, present, and compassionate with myself (and others) is critical to managing those dark times.
My depression is a huge obstacle to my training. There are some days that I can't manage to complete my training regime or can't even get started. And some days, I need to listen to my body and my psyche and take a break and other times I am learning that I need to push through.
I think of new green shoots in spring pushing up through the soil. It looks like growing must be hard work. They are so new and fragile and the soil is so dense. Similarly, when I am depressed I am a fragile being who has to push through the darkness to move.
It was like that yesterday. I was really down and not sure what I could manage to do. I had a yoga lesson scheduled and it was a nice day outside, the first in eons. However, what I felt like doing was crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head and calling it a day. I decided that it would be better to try to get to yoga even if it meant I cried the whole time. (My teacher is sensitive and supportive and was okay with my mood.) I went to yoga, got out of the house, learned some new poses, and got moving. It took monumental effort to get there. After yoga, I managed to get on the bicycle too. I told myself that I only had to go out for a half hour and if I felt too bad I could turn around. I also knew no one would be looking at me while riding and if I cried no one would notice or care. I ended up riding an hour or so.
Knowing when to push through and when to focus on comfort is critical. I have pushed when it would have been better to just rest. I usually end up feeling worse at those times. But many times, pushing through the darkness allows a little light to come in. I think when I can push myself without judgment and without investment in the outcome, then I do better. If I start and can't finish, well at least I started. Attitude toward how I am pushing through is key. If I can stay gentle and compassionate with myself, then I can challenge myself without the backlash of condemnation should I not be able to do that which I set out to do.
I know this will be an ongoing struggle and staying open, present, and compassionate with myself (and others) is critical to managing those dark times.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Learning to be a Grease Monkey
I know lots of cyclists who don't know how to change a flat. This seems a little foolish to me although part of me understands it. When I was first learning I found it a bit intimidating and frustrating at times. But I was well tutored by my partner.
I was on the bicycle trail last spring and a fellow came by walking his bike with a flat. I asked if he needed a tube. He said that he was almost to his destination. I said, "Do you want to walk or ride?" He decided he wanted to ride so I got out a tube. However, it soon became clear to me that he neither knew how to change his flat nor had the necessary tools. I did it for him which was a lovely reversal in gender roles to boot. While I was changing the tire, he said that he was a commuter. I said, "without a tube?" Enough said. He was on his way in less than ten. He said that he felt bad that he couldn't reimburse me for the tube. I told him to do it for another cyclist. What goes around, comes around.
Knowing how to change a flat not only allows me to rest easy when I am fifty miles out of the city and alone, but it also gives me a sense of self-sufficiency. I can do this one myself. Actually I have learned a lot about maintaining and caring for my bicycle over the last two years. There is a lot I can do myself and even more with a little guidance.
This is also an accomplishment as I am not particularly mechanically inclined. I am good with my hands in a creative way -- I do a lot of art -- but not good at figuring out how stuff works or fixing things. Bicycles are wonderful in that they are relatively simple and elegant. It is usually possible to see how something works and understand the mechanics of it. My partner has helped me work on my bicycles. I have replaced brakes, brake cables, a cassette and a chain. I have changed sets of pedals and adjusted saddles and brakes. I have mounted lights and computers. I also regularly lube my chain and keep the tires well pumped so the bicycles are ready to ride. I kind of like it when my hands are greasy and I am well into a maintenance project. Being a newbie grease monkey suits me.
I like the sense that I can take care of my bicycles and am not at the mercy of a bike shop or in need to someone to help me all the time. It gives me a sense of independence and freedom, which is what the bicycle is all anyway.
I was on the bicycle trail last spring and a fellow came by walking his bike with a flat. I asked if he needed a tube. He said that he was almost to his destination. I said, "Do you want to walk or ride?" He decided he wanted to ride so I got out a tube. However, it soon became clear to me that he neither knew how to change his flat nor had the necessary tools. I did it for him which was a lovely reversal in gender roles to boot. While I was changing the tire, he said that he was a commuter. I said, "without a tube?" Enough said. He was on his way in less than ten. He said that he felt bad that he couldn't reimburse me for the tube. I told him to do it for another cyclist. What goes around, comes around.
Knowing how to change a flat not only allows me to rest easy when I am fifty miles out of the city and alone, but it also gives me a sense of self-sufficiency. I can do this one myself. Actually I have learned a lot about maintaining and caring for my bicycle over the last two years. There is a lot I can do myself and even more with a little guidance.
This is also an accomplishment as I am not particularly mechanically inclined. I am good with my hands in a creative way -- I do a lot of art -- but not good at figuring out how stuff works or fixing things. Bicycles are wonderful in that they are relatively simple and elegant. It is usually possible to see how something works and understand the mechanics of it. My partner has helped me work on my bicycles. I have replaced brakes, brake cables, a cassette and a chain. I have changed sets of pedals and adjusted saddles and brakes. I have mounted lights and computers. I also regularly lube my chain and keep the tires well pumped so the bicycles are ready to ride. I kind of like it when my hands are greasy and I am well into a maintenance project. Being a newbie grease monkey suits me.
I like the sense that I can take care of my bicycles and am not at the mercy of a bike shop or in need to someone to help me all the time. It gives me a sense of independence and freedom, which is what the bicycle is all anyway.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Favorite Pic on the Bike
This is my favorite picture of me on the bike thus far. It is a couple years old so right now I am both a little fatter and a bit more muscular than that picture, but it captures my love of it all. I am riding my first true bicycle love. My red Luna steel frame bicycle. (More on that later.)
Finding the Balance
Well, today I am sick. I have a mild cold and an achy body. I am thankful that it isn't worse, but it has put a crimp in my training schedule. Now being a Virgo this causes a certain amount of consternation. However, it is good for me to, because it reminds me that I have to find the balance.
I realize that I have a lot to learn about in terms of training. I also have to be sure to listen to my body and figure out what is the best training activities and schedule for ME. Not just random jo, but for me in specific. This is challenging on a number of accounts.
First, I am having to learn all the things that go into training and the possible schedules etc... from which I can build my own. This is harder than it looks as there are as many opinions as there are cyclists.
Second, I have never listened to my body this intently before. I have had a tendency to push myself sometimes to my detriment. Now I need to pay attention to whether I am sick or exhausted, because it will influence my ability to train later, as well as my health in the moment.
Third, I have never been good at pacing myself. I tend to dive into things and then swim my way out with the threat of drowning. I have learned over the past few years though, that I do much better if I can take things a step at a time. I am much better at this, assuming that I know which steps I am taking. In this case, there are so many fronts on which to attend, that I can get lost in the process and a bit overwhelmed. I mean I need to pay attention to what I do to train, how I eat, my knee injury, my asthma, my focus and psychology, my mood, my general health, etc. . .
So, I do have my work cut out for me. I know the key for me in this, and in life in general, is finding the BALANCE. If I don't balance my training with my life I will overdo it. If I don't balance strength training with aerobic exercise I won't be at peak performance either. And if I don't balance all of it with my spiritual practice, I won't be grounded in any of it.
So, having a cold today, reminds me that I have to balance things in my training and my life. If I can work on this, I believe that I will be able to face the challenges with more equanimity.
I realize that I have a lot to learn about in terms of training. I also have to be sure to listen to my body and figure out what is the best training activities and schedule for ME. Not just random jo, but for me in specific. This is challenging on a number of accounts.
First, I am having to learn all the things that go into training and the possible schedules etc... from which I can build my own. This is harder than it looks as there are as many opinions as there are cyclists.
Second, I have never listened to my body this intently before. I have had a tendency to push myself sometimes to my detriment. Now I need to pay attention to whether I am sick or exhausted, because it will influence my ability to train later, as well as my health in the moment.
Third, I have never been good at pacing myself. I tend to dive into things and then swim my way out with the threat of drowning. I have learned over the past few years though, that I do much better if I can take things a step at a time. I am much better at this, assuming that I know which steps I am taking. In this case, there are so many fronts on which to attend, that I can get lost in the process and a bit overwhelmed. I mean I need to pay attention to what I do to train, how I eat, my knee injury, my asthma, my focus and psychology, my mood, my general health, etc. . .
So, I do have my work cut out for me. I know the key for me in this, and in life in general, is finding the BALANCE. If I don't balance my training with my life I will overdo it. If I don't balance strength training with aerobic exercise I won't be at peak performance either. And if I don't balance all of it with my spiritual practice, I won't be grounded in any of it.
So, having a cold today, reminds me that I have to balance things in my training and my life. If I can work on this, I believe that I will be able to face the challenges with more equanimity.
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